A Butchered Bottle of Burger Mayo

Photo by Helinton Fantin on Unsplash

I used to joke in my head how I could easily hit my grade 9 hospitality teacher, Mrs Bauer, over the head with a Bauer pan. 

Thinking about it now. The thought actually sends shivers down my spine. Having watched my fair share of Netflix thriller- series, coming to realise how realistic it may well be. Mrs Bauer was definitely the female version of Gordon Ramsey, only she would never ever have cursed, ever.

In my defence having such thoughts at the time do not come with no reason though. She almost made me burn my scones once as she just absolutely had to have all of our attention at another bench. Showing us how to clot cream. Well, I am sorry ma’am but if I don’t keep a close eye on my scones, I shall not be needing any of that freshly clotted cream of yours. 

I don’t know why I remember this but I suppose the memory jumps to mind as I am trying to open a plastic container of burger mayo. To be more exact, I have two bottles in the fridge that are a quarter full. It is just that I haven’t gotten around to opening them, Scottish style. Using a knife or pair of scissors. So without further ado, I take a steak knife and successfully cut open the bottle. Without sacrificing a finger. 

As I scoop out the remaining sauce from the butchered bottle, I remember how she showed us how to properly take out all the yoghurt from the tub. ‘Not like you are used to seeing on those cooking programs on tv. Here we don’t let anything go to waste', she used to say. 

Mrs Bauer was a short, stoutly built lady. With her high pitched voice, she would tell us to convince our parents to take us to a fancy restaurant like La Pentola or Patchas. In order for us to see proper service etiquette and learn how to behave in such situations. She went off at us for wearing lycra tights under our school dresses. (I am sorry if you can hear me snickering through the words).  On restaurant evenings she could drive one nuts, once the number of starter forks didn’t add up to the amount we had before service started. That meant that we had to empty all the trash cans in order to find the missing fork. We found it but not in the trash can. 

Needless to say, thanks to Mrs Bauer I have devised a very smart plan. One day, when I am a big girl, I shall marry me a chef. That will put an end to my food deprivation. Hopefully.