My Geyser is Broken

Photo by Tanner Marquis on Unsplash

It is that time of the afternoon when really you should be having Frisco coffee with a homemade rusk, watching Oprah Winfrey. But you aren’t. 

The pantones of blue change as the sun retires for the evening. 

It is clear that the season is changing. The golden sun-rays filter through the thinning leaves. Leaving us all with the last bit of hope that there could be better tomorrows. 

As the nighttime breeze flutters through my lonesome yet humble abode, so also the curtain call for my dark thoughts and feelings unravel as the night star makes her appearance. All one would have to do is open your mouth for the black grit and tar to bubble out of your mouth. 

My geyser is broken, so crying sessions in the shower have been limited. 

One could find alternatives of course. 

Walk in the rain? 
But it isn’t rainy season. 
The weight of wet clothes dragging along for the journey doesn’t seem satisfactory to a quest of lightening the soul from that which burdens it.

A large body of water could also serve as an option. 
Yet I fear that the dark emotions stored within me might just make me succumb to the pressure of it all.

There is, of course, the option not to cry. 
At all. 
But I can’t shake the thought. 

One simply need to cleanse. 
There is something so vulnerable to crying, naked in a hot, steamy shower. 
Naked and afraid. 
Weightless. 

The gush of water overwhelming your being, the droplets convening at the ends of your lashes, chin and eventually fingertips. Symbolically shaking off the feels while the scorching hot water reminds you of your current dimension. Where your real is real and the part of you who wants to give up, still has not won. 

You are here. You are real. You are worthy. You are unique, loved and important. To someone. Somewhere. (Apparently.)

It’s not that no one should hear you when you purge your emotions. 

It is that the escape of your shadow self must be replaced by your innate sense of gaiety. 

My geyser is broken, so my crying session in the shower are limited. 

My shadow self has the upper hand. 
And tonight.
Tonight we need to change the vantage point.